I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
