walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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