ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
