we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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