He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
