Your face is a jimmy john
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
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That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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