Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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