OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
