I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
