I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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