if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
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i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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