I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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