she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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