You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
