she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
