Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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