these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
