That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
