He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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