3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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