I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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