I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
