just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so explain again why im purple
no
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
