i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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