3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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