Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
