2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
