Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
