i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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