I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
We are two peas in an std pod
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
