this beer tastes like vomit already
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
