and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
