I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
