I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
