Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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