o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You're like the curious george of whores
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
