I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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