I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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