I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
