The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
