Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
