we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
