then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
