my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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