I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
