Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You left your phone here
Wait...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
