I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
