Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
