Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I am morally bankrupt
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
