Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize