Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
