so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
