Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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