went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
