it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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