Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I CAN MOONWALK!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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