I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
