i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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