Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
