I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
