I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize