Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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