I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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