watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
