So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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