whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I want to be your penis for a week.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
