I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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