I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
