I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
