if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
