I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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