You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
