you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't notice because vodka
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
