right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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