DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
