so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
