Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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