How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
