the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
