The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize