I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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