Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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