wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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