My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
